We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize