So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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