What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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