you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
