If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
