We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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