Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
