No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
