I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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