just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
