Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
