i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
