my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
