is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
