O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize