I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
