ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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