Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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