He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
