How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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