Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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