he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
