I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
