when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
