Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
