the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
