hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize