The maid of honor just puked.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
