Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
