I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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