My liver just broke up with me...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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