it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
