he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
