i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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