You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
