a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize