He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
