It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
