If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
