Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will pee on everything he values.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
