omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Two words: nipple clamps
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