he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
