I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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