Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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