i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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