Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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