he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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