the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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