Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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