her vagine was all disorganized.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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