life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
