You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
