If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
