We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
