I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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