You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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