We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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