Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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