Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
whose parrot is this?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
