I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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