East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
