Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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