It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
