I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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