i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
