I can't watch pbs sober anymore
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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