the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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