have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
