Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
