I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize