Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
