I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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